1 |
Being Giraffe:
Inwardly, being is attitude, view, belief is done for it’s own sake |
Doing Giraffe:
Outwardly, doing is behavior, strategy, a means to an end |
2 |
Empathy:
My attention is completely on what is alive in the other person. |
Sympathy:
My attention switches between what is a live in the other person and what is alive in me. |
3 |
Interdependence:
Autonomous, in conjunction with… the attention is on needs. |
Dependence or Independence:
(not) self-sufficient… in separation from… the attention is on strategies |
4 |
Power with people:
The needs of all people involved matter. Decide together, inclusive. In a spirit of partnership. |
Power over people:
My own needs matter most. Decide alone, exclusive, hierarchical |
5 |
Appreciation:
Based on feelings and needs. Intention is to express and share what’s alive in me. |
Approval, compliment, praise:
Based on moralistic judgments. Intention to steer human behavior. |
6 |
Vulnerability:
Attention is on needs, readiness to feel. It takes strength to be vulnerable. |
Weakness:
Attention is on moralistic judgments, resistance to feelings. |
7 |
Choice:
Action is controlled from inside. Attention is on my own feelings and needs. |
Rebellion or submission:
Reaction is controlled from outside. Attention is on the other person. |
8 |
Observation:
What I experience directly with my senses. Description of what I seek, hear, feel, smell or taste. |
Evaluation:
How I think about or evaluate what I experience with my senses. |
9 |
Respect for Authority:
I see the other as a human being with needs. Attention is on the responsibility. |
Fear of Authority:
I see the other as a representation of a function. Attention is on the power to punish or reward. |
10 |
Feeling
Subjective, personal. Immediate reaction upon a sensory experience. Caused by a subjective value judgment. (“I need consideration”) |
Interpretation/ Diagnosis/Analysis:
Objective, impersonal. I use objective judgments to assign meaning to my sensory experience. (“This is inconsiderate”) |
11 |
Requests/strategies:
Concrete, specific, and doable behavior. What I would like to see be done. |
Values and needs
General and abstract. What I need. What is important to me. What needs I like to see being met. |
12 |
Request:
Attention is on needs. Intention is the needs of all people involved will be met. Allows choice. A “no” does not change the appreciation for that person. I trust my needs will be met. |
Demand:
Attention is on strategies. Intention is the other does what I say. Does not allow choice. A “no” leads to judgment and diminished appreciation for that personal. I am worried that my needs will not be met. |
13 |
Self-discipline:
I decide. Freedom of choice. |
Obedience:
The other decides. No freedom of choice. |
14 |
Cause:
Perceptible through feelings. Needs and values. What I need. Subjective. |
Stimulus:
Facts that I can perceive with my senses. Observable behavior. What someone does or says. Objective |
15 |
Value-judgments:
I decide if something is in harmony with my values and needs. |
Moralistic judgments:
I decide what is good or bad, right or wrong. |
16 |
Protective use of force:
Attention is on needs. Intention is to meet needs |
Punitive/rewarding use of force:
Attention is on moralistic judgments. Intention is to control/steer the behavior. |
17 |
Natural:
Based on feelings and needs. It is familiar because it is in harmony with our heart. |
Habitual/normal:
Based on moralistic judgments. It is familiar because most people do it and we are used to it. |
18 |
Life-connected:
My life energy and attention is on observations. Intention is on meeting needs. |
Life alienated:
Attention is on moralistic judgments and evaluations. Intention is on controlling, punishment and rewarding. |
19 |
Empathic sensing:
I want to experience the other to create connection. Intention is to create contact and connection. And the focus is on presence. |
Intellectual Guessing.
I want to know something about the other to create connection. Intention is to create safety through knowing. Attention is on the past. |
20 |
Consensus:
Attention is on needs. Intention is to find a solution everybody is satisfied with. |
Compromise:
Attention is on strategies. Intention is to find a solution that everybody can live with. |
21 |
Persisting:
Powerful dedication for my own needs with consideration for the needs of others. Focus on quality of the relationship and connection. |
Demanding:
Powerful dedication for my own needs without consideration for the needs of others. Focus is on solutions. |
22 |
Giraffe honesty:
Based on observations, feelings, needs and requests. Intention is to share what is alive in me. |
Jackal honesty:
Based on moralistic judgments. Intention is to share my judgments. |
23 |
Love as a need:
What do I need? Answered out of a needs vocabulary |
Love as a feeling:
What do I feel? Answered out of a feeling vocabulary. |
24 |
Self-empathy:
Attention is on feelings. I own the responsibility for my feelings. Readiness to feel my feelings. Gives me strength. |
Self-pity:
Attention is on evaluations. I don’t own the responsibility for my feelings. Resistance to feel my feelings. Takes away my strength. |
25 |
Idiomatic “Giraffe”/NVC:
What I say when my attention naturally and unconsciously in on the essential, what is alive in myself and the other, and what do I want and what the other wants. |
Classical “Giraffe/NVC:
Consciously uses the four steps to guide my attention on the observations, feelings, needs and requests. |
26 |
Guessing:
The focus in on the present feeling, the attitude is exploration. I want to understand |
Knowing:
Focus is on the past and thinking. Attitude is I want to classify and categorize. I have understood. |
27 |
Understand:
Relates to feelings and needs. |
Agree:
Relates to behavior strategies and requests. |
28 |
Guessing what is alive in another person:
I make myself vulnerable. There is equality Focus is on closeness and connections. |
Ask what is alive in another person:
I keep a low profile. Risk of subordination and distance. |
29 |
Scream in “Giraffe”
I scream feelings and needs. Powerful dedication for my own needs. |
Scream in “Jackal”
I scream moralistic judgments. |
30 |
Saying No in Giraffe:
Based on my needs. Inclusive and in connection with others. Intention is to meet everybody’s needs. |
Saying No in “Jackal”
Based on moralistic judgments, rules and standards. Exclusive. Intention is to have my will or to meet my own needs. |
